Goodbye, Nauvoo Read online

  “Here’s home,” Lydia finally declared as they approached the Parker residence.

  “You didn’t think you were going to get rid of me so easily, did you?” Worthy asked as they stood under the shelter of the Parker’s porch, the rain arching over them.

  “I had no intention of getting rid of you,” Lydia replied quietly.

  “I don’t believe it, but no matter. You came back, and I’m glad of it.”

  Lydia looked up at Worthy curiously. “So you forgive me?”

  He paused to return her gaze before going on. “I assume so. We wouldn’t be able to get married if I didn’t, now would we?”

  “Married? Brother Clark, is that a proposal?” Lydia cried in surprise.

  “If it is, it’s a lousy one, I know. I wouldn’t be surprised if you said no. Of course, I don’t have a ring yet. I have a little prairie diamond I could give you in the meantime, that is if you’d have me.” Worthy reached into his pocket and drew out an odd little ring - a nail bent into the shape of a circle. “Would you have me, Miss Lydia?” Worthy asked again, putting the ring in Lydia’s hand.

  Lydia’s thoughts raced faster than the rain fell. “Yes, Brother Clark, I will have you,” she replied gleefully, taking the shabby thing and placing it on her finger. For a moment Lydia was grateful that it was raining. Tears of joy fell down her face, mixing with the water that drizzled down from her soaked hair. She kissed Worthy’s cheek before disappearing into her home and leaving him at the doorstep, this time under much happier circumstances.

  ✽✽✽

  Martha listened to the sound of rain as it beat against the sides of her home. It was a nasty storm, but the inside of her house was warm and cozy. She relaxed in front of a roaring fire, Samuel by her side quietly reading. Being close to him reminded her of how grateful she was that she met him in Mountain so many years ago. They had been introduced at their old Methodist church after Samuel moved to Mountain from New York state with his family. Samuel was a brawny lad from lifting hewn logs and placing them on wagons. He was handsome, and Martha fell for him immediately. It wasn’t until later that he noticed her, and the pair began to court.

  Martha recalled the secret her mother hid for so many years. Would Samuel have wanted to court me if he had known the truth? She glanced up at her husband, wanting to ask him, but the words seemed bottled up inside her. I must tell him the truth.

  Samuel noticed Martha staring at him and set down his book. “What troubles you dear?”

  Martha hesitated. “What?” she asked, procrastinating her answer.

  “The children are in bed and you’re not piecing, and you’re not reading.” Samuel chuckled. “I know you well enough to know there’s something wrong. Those things bring you the most contentment at night, so alas, I assume you are not content. And the fact you’re staring at me makes me wonder if I’ve done something terrible.”

  Martha smiled nervously. “No, you haven’t done anything wrong, Sam.” She took his hand in her own. “There’s just one thing…” Her mouth was stuck between words, and she paused, trying to catch her thoughts as they flew through her head. How could she tell Samuel?

  “Then what troubles you darling?” Samuel pressed again.

  Martha stared deep into her husband’s chestnut eyes. There was nothing but kindness in them staring back at her, urging her onward.

  “Samuel, on my mother’s deathbed, she revealed a secret.”

  “A secret?”

  “Yes, about me.”

  Samuel looked puzzled. “What secret could she have known about you that you didn’t?”

  “She said Faddy wasn’t my father.”

  Samuel was quiet. Martha feared to say more and held her breath, waiting for a response.

  “What happened to your father?” he asked after some time.

  Martha gave Samuel a grave look, her brows pulled together. “He, he left my mother. Samuel, they never married.”

  “Who, your mother and Faddy?”

  “No, Sam, my mother and my real father. His name was Richard Bolton.”

  “Oh.”

  Samuel’s one-word reply caused Martha’s heart to sink to her stomach. Would he reject her now that he knew the truth?

  She sighed. “I know how you must feel,” she said, turning her eyes from him. “You didn’t know I was a bastard child.” She rose from her seat and strode slowly across the room, wanting to distance herself from the shame she felt knowing that Samuel knew her secret now. “I’m sure you wouldn’t have wanted to marry me if you knew earlier. I’m sorry you didn’t find out until now.”

  Martha heard Samuel rise behind her and his approaching footsteps.

  “What do you mean I wouldn’t have wanted to marry you? What does that have to do with anything?” he asked. His voice was calm and gentle.

  Baffled, Martha spun to face him. “I just thought that I would be unwanted. I’m ashamed of how I was conceived, as anyone would be.”

  Samuel took her by the shoulders. “Perhaps you are ashamed, but that doesn’t make you any less of a person.”

  “What?” Martha asked, perplexed by his reaction. It was not what she had expected. “That’s not what society thinks,” she said darkly.

  “But why does it matter what society thinks? What does God think about you?”

  “I’m not sure Sam,” Martha replied, her brow furrowed. “What does He think about people like me?”

  Samuel led her back to their seats and sat next to her. “Let me tell you, Martha," he began. "You are a daughter of Heavenly Father. You have a heavenly lineage, and that can never be taken away from you. That means that your worth is so great, especially in God’s eyes. You are His child, and He loves you. Your mortal lineage does not change that. The mistakes that your parents made does not affect who you are, or what your potential is in God’s eyes. Do not let such things affect your self-worth.” Then, he took her hand in his and softly touched her cheek. “I love you, Martha, always have, and always will. There is little you can say or do that would change that.”

  Smiling, Martha reached up for his hand and held it there. It was a relief to know Samuel loved her and didn’t care about her parentage. More importantly, she felt peace and comfort from the reminder that she was loved by God, no matter who she was. She had felt so worthless before, but now she recognized it was Satan feeding her that lie. Satan wanted her to be miserable, to feel unwanted so she would turn away from Heavenly Father and be too ashamed to seek God’s loving presence.

  “Thank you, Sam,” Martha said gratefully.

  “Thank you for being my wife and the mother of my children,” he replied, then leaned over to kiss her tenderly in the light of the fire.

  Chapter 22

  The Endowments

  On a frigid December day, Martha was alone downtown paying tithing at the Red Brick Store when she heard the bells atop the Nauvoo temple ring out. It was a beacon to meet at the grove below the temple, the same place where Martha first heard the Prophet Joseph Smith speak. Martha wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders then joined a throng of Saints as they marched through the snow to the temple grounds.

  The grove was covered in a thin layer of ice. Martha found a log bench and brushed it off quickly with her knitted mittens. In front of her, President Young was sitting on a platform. The Saints were buzzing with excitement, until all at once, everyone quieted when the President stood. He waved his arms out, and with a loud booming voice, he spoke. Martha listened intently as he addressed the crowd.

  “The attic of the temple has been dedicated for the purpose of completing the endowment ordinance and will be open the 10th of this month until February. I implore all to attend the temple while it is open. The Lord has blessed us with the ability to make covenants with Him that are only available through the ordinances performed within. Get your endowments! Baptize for the dead! Claim the blessings that are promised you while you can. When we reach Zion, we will build another temple, even more glorious than th
is one. One that no man or government will drive us from again.”

  Martha and the crowd cheered. The temple would be open for endowments! At last! And President Young had confirmed what Martha hoped – that they would eventually build a new temple. It was wonderful to know that Zion would be established once again, and this time somewhere safe away from the mobocrats.

  Once President Young finished his speech, the congregation dispersed and Martha walked home in jubilation. December 10th! She would take Samuel to the temple that day so they could claim the blessings that were promised them. They had sacrificed so much for this opportunity. Samuel had worked so hard the last six years to help build the house of the Lord. And they paid a tenth of their income, a tithing, to help buy necessary temple supplies. And Martha helped feed and clothe the workers who so tirelessly labored on the temple. Martha was grateful that their seemingly impossible endeavor was finally going to pay off.

  ✽✽✽

  The evening of December 10th, 1845, the snowy temple grounds were swarming with Saints eager to complete their temple work.

  Hand in hand with Samuel, Martha stared up at the hallowed building. She gathered with hundreds of other Saints hoping to take out her endowments, only to be turned away by the crowds. The temple was running at full capacity. There was hardly room for everyone inside the temple attic to receive their ordinances.

  Martha hoped to be able to peek inside to see the temple in its finished glory, but a crowd gathered at the building’s entrance made it impossible to see more than a few framed portraits hanging high on the walls.

  Panic filled Martha. “This is absurd!” she cried. “How will everyone get their ordinances complete by spring with this chaos?”

  Samuel clicked his tongue, nervously eyeing the mass of bodies. “Come, let’s go,” he said. “We’ll return later. The temple will still be here in a month. Perhaps the crowds will die down after a while.”

  Martha sighed as they turned to leave. The line behind Martha pushed past her, separating her and Samuel, leaving Martha alone in the frenzy of the moment. Everyone was so excited to be able to enter into the temple, they did not even see her standing there. Martha did not mind. She was just as anxious and excited to enter as everyone else there, and she hoped she would be able to come back with Samuel so they, too, could take out their own endowments.

  In a week’s time, Martha learned due to the high volume of Saints seeking their temple ordinances, a new system was installed by Apostle Heber C. Kimball that only allowed members with an official invitation to come to the temple. We’ll just have to wait for an invitation, she thought sadly.

  ✽✽✽

  Lydia took turns with Annie as they stirred a hot mixture of boiled fat and lye round and round in a large vat. Lydia enjoyed making soap, especially now with the chilly weather. Soap making was a hot process that required them to stand by a raging fire outdoors, but the cooler weather made it more comfortable to work near the heat of the open flame. Normally they would make soap in early spring after collecting animal fat throughout the winter, but with an exodus on the horizon, Lydia thought it would be better to make soap early.

  “Would you like to go to town with me later today?” Lydia asked. “Faddy gave me permission to treat you to something special at the general store. And we’ve been stirring this for ages, I think the soap is done finally.” Lydia dipped a finger into the frothy liquid and placed it in her mouth, made a face, then nodded her head in affirmation. “Now all that’s left is to pour it into molds.”

  “No, thank you, Cousin Lydia,” Annie replied, watching the thick mixture as it swirled around in the kettle.

  “Are you sure?”

  Annie nodded, sending two brown braids swinging back and forth. “I’ve got lots to do here,” she replied. “I’ll stay and keep Faddy company when he comes home.”

  Lydia shrugged. “Alright, suit yourself.”

  She helped Annie finish the soap and pour it into molds, then once their work was complete, Lydia walked downtown alone, wary of mobbers.

  To her surprise, the town bustled with Saints beginning their preparations for the exodus that President Young declared was to take place. There was a line of people placing orders for wagons at the Web Brother’s Wainwright shop. A non-stop clang, clang, clang rang out from the blacksmith sheds. Men bartered in the streets for tools and supplies needed for the journey. It seemed as if a pervasive feeling of fear and distress hung over Nauvoo like a dark cloud.

  A couple driving a wagon packed full of children sitting atop odds and ends slowed to a stop next to Lydia. The woman waved to Lydia and called out with a thick Scottish accent,

  “Excuse me, miss! Which way to the ferry?”

  Lydia pointed to the northwest. “Where are you headed?”

  “Anywhere,” the man said. “We’d settled outside ‘a Carthage, but the mobs have pushed us out ‘a our home.”

  The couple thanked Lydia, and headed on their way. Lydia wondered what they would do and where they would go. Some families chose to leave Nauvoo early, some returning to Missouri or other parts of the country where they originally came from.

  Lydia continued on to the general store where she found a lovely pair of pink ribbons displayed in the store window. Lydia twirled the ribbons around her fingers, excited to give them to her cousin. They were just the present Annie needed to cheer her up.

  Lydia paid a few cents for the gift then thanked the shopkeeper before she headed for the temple grounds to see Worthy. It was his day to serve there and she hoped to catch a glimpse of the progress at the temple site. Each new progression meant she and Worthy would be one step closer toward their wedding.

  Lydia approached the temple, stopping to marvel at its magnificent stonework. Although she had visited the temple countless times before, she was always taken aback by the grandeur of its architecture.

  The shell of the temple was mostly complete, but the insides were still teeming with construction. Men carrying loads of goods passed her and entered the building as she peeked inside.

  “Can I help you find anything, Miss Leonard?” a familiar voice called.

  Lydia turned to find Worthy grinning at her as he approached with a wheelbarrow full of bricks. He set down his load and took off his hat, then hugged her around the waist and swung her around until her bonnet fell off her head.

  “Worthy!” Lydia cried happily, although his calling her Miss Leonard made her cringe. It felt strange to be called by her late husband’s last name while engaged to another man.

  “It won’t be too long now,” Worthy declared, staring up at the temple. “The attic will take another month or so but we’ve made great progress on that.”

  Lydia looked at him in surprise. “The attic? What is so special about the attic?”

  Worthy paused, staring back up at the temple in the direction of where the attic was located. “The attic? It’ll be dedicated when it's finished, and that’s where the endowments and the sealing room will be. That’s where we’ll be married.” He grinned at her.

  “Yes, but why the attic?” She couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to get married in an attic of all places.

  “Well, it's a bit complicated to explain,” Worthy said, scratching his head. “To put it simply, the attic is a special place in the temple that offers protection from people defiling it who mean to harm the church. You know how the assembly room isn’t dedicated?”

  Lydia nodded.

  “Do you know why it isn’t dedicated?”

  “Not quite. I suppose I’ve never thought of it.”

  “It’s quite a simple reason, really,” Worthy began. “Do you know how many times some Illinois law man comes looking for Brigham Young and the apostles to haul them away? All the time. They waltz right into the temple and out again like it's a tavern. But they don’t bother going up to the attic. Keeping the bottom of the temple undedicated helps so the Apostles don’t have to rededicate the temple every time someone swarms in to hunt an a
uthority.”

  “I see,” Lydia said. “So that’s why we could all go to the October conference and meet inside the temple, because the part we met in wasn’t dedicated?”

  Worthy nodded his head. “That’s right, once it's dedicated, it becomes a sacred place. That’s how we can get away with loaning out that assembly room to whoever wants to use it. Just the other day some band of Catholics held mass there. It's not a sacred room yet, although one day it will be when the whole temple is finished and dedicated in completion.”

  “So when they dedicate the attic, it will become a holy space, and if anyone comes to the temple that isn’t holy, they won’t make it up to the attic to defile it?”

  “Absolutely.” Worthy nodded. “And a joyous day it will be when it is dedicated.” He stared back up at the temple and Lydia followed his gaze.

  She tried imagining what it would be like up there in the attic, but only cobwebs and dust came to mind. No, it will be much lovelier than that, she thought. It had to, with such promising ordinances that would take place there: the endowment - blessings and promises that would be given to each individual to help them along in their journey on earth to return to live with Heavenly Father, and the sealing - a marriage covenant between a couple and the Lord that was binding not only until death but after, lasting for an eternity. Such ordinances were vital in making it to the celestial kingdom, the highest form of heaven as Lydia would call it, where only the most righteous individuals could go. She and Danny did not have the chance to be sealed together before he died, and Lydia needed to be sealed to someone so she could begin to qualify for entry into the celestial kingdom. Although she still loved Danny, she knew it would be important for her own salvation to be sealed to Worthy. It's not that she didn’t love Worthy, too, but Danny was her first love. The thought troubled her, what would happen to Danny? Would he not be saved? But there were baptisms for the dead, Lydia was sure maybe one day there would be a way to endow and seal couples who did not have the chance to do so in this life.